Micromanagers, bulldozers & bullies: how to handle a jerk at work
Struggling with a difficult boss or colleague? Perhaps you have a micromanager who emails you at 2am, a colleague who puts you down with snarky comments, or a coworker who claims credit for your good work.
Jerks at work come in all shapes and sizes. At times their behaviour can be overt, while at others - a collection of smaller and more subtle actions. But the one thing they have in common is that their behaviour can cause stress on your body and mind, and impact how happy you feel at work.
The reality is you won’t get along with everyone at work, but that doesn’t mean you need to grin and bear them. There are ways to manage difficult people in order to protect your emotional wellbeing and keep thriving at work.
In this article, we reveal how tapping into your interpersonal skills will help.
Work jerks to look out for
In Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them, author and social psychologist Tessa West says there are seven types of work jerks to look out for:
Kiss up/kick downers: They will get to the top by any means necessary, which may mean sabotaging anyone in their way. Look out for behaviour that belittles you in front of higher-ups.
Credit stealers: They earn your trust, then betray you if they think your idea is good enough to steal.
Bulldozers: They aren’t afraid to flex their muscles to get what they want, often asserting power early.
Free riders: They are skilled at doing nothing and getting rewarded.
Micromanagers: They disrespect your personal space and time with unreasonable requests and emails 24/7.
Neglectful bosses: They ignore you for long periods, then come in at the last minute to exert control.
Gaslighters: The most toxic of coworkers aim to deceive on a grand scale by first isolating their victims and then slowly building up a false reality that suits their goals.
Recognise any of these in your workplace? You may even see yourself on the list.
Don’t worry – we’re all capable of being overbearing sometimes, and that’s because there’s usually something deeper going on. That’s why the most crucial strategy to handle work jerks is to pause and reflect for a moment.
Common causes of difficult behaviour
Taking the time to understand the reasons behind overbearing behaviour means you can put it into perspective and come up with the right strategy to handle it.
Any extreme behaviour tends to be satisfying a specific need. For example, if a person can’t manage something in their own life (maybe they’re facing relationship troubles for instance), they may feel a lack of control. However, instead of getting a grip on their personal stuff, they extend this to other areas of their lives.
The result? You end up at the receiving end of their micromanagement or bullying behaviour.
Common reasons for overbearing behaviour:
Insecurity: Controlling behaviour is often the result of fear or insecurity, despite the image of strength and confidence the person may present.
Anxiety: Micromanaging or other controlling behaviours might mask the symptoms of high-functioning anxiety.
Low self-esteem: An overbearing person may have issues with low self-esteem and will project their negativity on others to make themselves feel better.
Overcompensating: People who are controlling in one aspect of life might be subconsciously compensating for a lack of control in another.
How to handle work-jerkery
There’s no one way to deal with overbearing behaviour, but one thing is true no matter the type of jerk you’re facing:
Avoidance is not the answer.
As tempting as it might be to ignore the problem and hope it goes away, it’s important not to wait until things get really bad before you try and deal with it.
Tapping into your own interpersonal skills is the best way to manage it. Interpersonal skills are what we use when interacting and communicating with others. They include active listening, showing empathy, and communication — all important skills when you’re dealing with difficult people.
Consider these 3 steps:
1. Have a conversation
Communication often tops the list of interpersonal skills for a good reason. There’s a lot to be said for open and respectful communication. Let the overbearing person know how you’re affected by their behaviour and give them honest feedback, because they genuinely may not be aware.
Listening is half the equation here. This powerful interpersonal skill means you remove judgement and bia to really listen to another person.
Bonus Tip: Use “I” statements to indicate how this behaviour is impacting you, instead of blaming the other person. Use concrete examples, for example: “I feel unappreciated when I am constantly interrupted mid sentence.”
2. Set boundaries
You don’t always have to say “no” to a controlling colleague. After all, there may be times when their opinion is genuinely helpful. But constantly agreeing with them to keep the peace will only reinforce their behaviour and establish it as the norm.
3. Resist a debate
Be firm and back yourself, but don’t waste energy trying to change the other person’s mind. This will only lead to a power struggle with no winners and more stress than you need.
Over to you
Insecurity and fear are the most common driving factors behind overbearing behaviours, and these can’t be solved overnight. But once you’ve communicated and set some boundaries, you can move forward, strengthen relationships, and thrive in your workplace.
Sharpening your own interpersonal skills will help set you up for success. Simply download the Hodie app to get started today, or explore our broader menu of Maxme Products & Programs for organisations and individuals alike.
Prefer to talk through your options? Simply contact us at any time.
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